Rikku wants a green card!
by Enielle
Summary: Just a stupid little fic about Rikku wanting a green card- and how she'll do anything to get one. Green card thing explained inside!


Rikku wants a Green card!  
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Disclaimer: Kweh! Kwehhh?!? KWEHHHHH!!!! ::Hits chocobo with pointed stick until it shuts up:: -_-; ANYWAY...I own nothing...apart from Sir Auron! HAHAHA- what, I don't even own him? That's hardly fair. Anyway, don't sue me! ^-^  
  
Ok for the purpose of this fic u have to assume that Yevonites are like America, and Al Bhed are like the rest of the world- i.e. they need a green card to be a yevonite. You get the general idea. At least I hope you do.  
  
Note- in case you didn't know, :: means action. This is my first FFX fic by the way, so be nice. Though it isn't my first fic of random stupidity. I write those a lot.  
  
::One day on Yuna's pilgrimage::  
  
Rikku: Yuni, guess what?  
Yuna: What?  
Rikku: I've decided that I want to become a yevonite!  
Wakka: YOU WHAT?!?  
Rikku: Well I'm sick of being discriminated against because I'm an Al Bhed! (shoots evil glare at Wakka who pokes out his tongue at her)  
Yuna: Rikku, if an Al Bhed wants to become a Yevonite than they need a green card! How do you think you'll get one?  
Rikku: Oh easy! I'll just get a job working for Yeavon! Can't be that hard, can it?  
  
::A while later::  
  
Yuna: Rikku are you sure about this?  
Rikku: Of course I am! What job is easier than a nursery school teacher?  
Yuna: Ok just don't tell her you're an Al Bhed!  
Rikku: ::sweatdrop:: And they ask me why I want a green card.  
::Official type person comes into interview room::  
Official type person: Hello you must be Rikku! If you'll follow me I'll introduce you to the children!  
::Rikku and Yuna (who is there for moral support) follow the official type person into a classroom full of 4 year olds)  
Official type person: Okay Rikku why don't you take the class for an hour, and see how you go! (Official type person leaves)  
Rikku: Er, hi children!  
Little boy: You smell!  
Rikku: DIE!!! ::Pulls out a grenade::  
Yuna: RIKKU!  
Rikku: Heh, just showing it to the kids!  
Kids: ::as one:: FORBIDDEN MACHINA!  
Rikku: Erm, yeah, that's right, I was just introducing show and tell! I'm showing this forbidden machina! Now who else wants a go?  
Girl: I got something to show! ::Holds up a limp furry thing::  
Rikku: EWWWWWW! Roadkill!  
Girl: You called Mr. Bunny roadkill! ::Throws Mr. Bunny at Rikku::  
Rikku: OW! Now you're for it! (Uses blaster mine on the class)  
Kids: Ow.  
Yuna: -_-;  
Rikku: Heh. What shall we do next, kids?  
Boy: Pray!  
Rikku: ::yawn:: Boring!  
Class: Pray! Pray! Pray!  
Rikku: Geez, okay! Now, how does that prayer thing go again? ::Tries to do the prayer and ends up with her hand stuck in her belt::  
Rikku: Help?  
Yuna: ::Bangs head on wall::  
Boy: You rubbish! Me want old teacher back!  
Rikku: Erm, well let's do something fun! How about watching TV?  
Class: FORBIDDEN MACHINA!  
Rikku: Ah, but not this TV! This is a, erm, magic TV! It's endorsed by Yevon!  
  
::Half an hour later and the official type person walks back in::  
Official type person: OH HOLY YEVON!  
::All the kids are sitting around watching TV, playing on game boys or listening to stereos::  
Rikku: I know, they're well behaved aren't they?  
  
::1 minute later and Rikku and Yuna get thrown out onto the street::  
  
Rikku: Well she didn't have to be like that!  
Yuna: What on earth are you going to do now?  
Rikku: There's other ways to get a green card!  
Yuna: Erm, like?  
Rikku: How about I pretend like I already got a green card, but I lost it?  
Yuna: What, trick yevon?!?  
Rikku: ::ignores her:: But I'd have to pretend like I knew how to be a yevonite. Yuni, can you teach me?  
Yuna: Do I have a choice?  
  
::Later::  
  
Kimahri: Kimahri no see why he has to do this.  
Yuna: We have to help Rikku! Now do you have anything of value to say?  
Kimahri: Kimahri like bagels.  
All: -_-;  
Yuna: Okay, Rikku, now watch Kimahri and me do the prayer, then copy, ok?  
::They do they prayer::  
Kimahri: Can Kimahri have bagels now?  
Rikku: ::ignores him:: So...it goes like this?  
::Starts doing the prayer right, but doesn't look what she is doing, and smacks herself in the forehead::  
All: -_-;  
Kimahri: Kimahri like-  
All: WE KNOW KIMAHRI!!!  
Yuna: Hmmm, lets try a different approach. Rikku, what would you say if you were shocked?  
Rikku: Erm, how about 'oh holy crap!'  
Yuna: NO! ::Hits Rikku with her stick:: It's 'oh holy yevon!'  
Rikku: ::shrugs:: Same difference.  
::The others try to hold Wakka back from killing Rikku::  
Rikku: What? What did I say?  
Yuna: ::hits Rikku with her stick again:: This isn't going so well.  
Tidus: ::walks up:: HIYA GUYS! HOW'S IT HANGING!  
Rikku: I dunno Tidus, why haven't you looked at it today? ::Gets hit with Yuna's stick multiple times:: (Yeep, sorry about that but smut always finds it's way into my fics ^-^;)  
Tidus: I don't get it.  
All: ::sweatdrop::  
Lulu: Tidus! Get back here! I haven't finished your massage!  
Tidus: OH GOD NO!!!! ::Tries to run away, but Lulu grabs him, throws him to the floor (ahem. Not like that) and starts walking up and down his back in stilettos)  
Tidus: OW! OW! STOPPIT! OH GOD THE PAIN!  
Yuna: ::hits him with her stick:: That's oh yevon!  
Rikku: Hey what's that sound?  
Lulu: Oh yevon, who let Auron have his sake back?  
Auron: ::Singing:: I've got a loverly bunsch of coconutsh!  
All: ::Sweatdrop::  
Auron: See them all shtanding inna row...  
Yuna: Sober up! ::hits Auron with her stick::  
Rikku: Will someone take that stick away from her?  
Auron: Big onesh..ow...small ones...OW  
Wakka: Well that's certainly true if you're talking about Yuna and Lulu!  
::Yuna hits everyone with her stick::  
Tidus: Birdies...look at all the pretty birdies...  
Lulu: I think you hit him too much.  
Auron: ::still drunkenly singing:: My hearrrt willlll go oooooooooon...  
Wakka: NOOOOO! NOT CELINE DION! ANYTHING BUT THAT! ::Screams and writhes on the ground::  
::Yuna goes to hit Auron with her stick but instead he grabs it and drunkenly tries to throw it, and ends up knocking himself out::  
All: -_-;  
Rikku: Lulu, do you know a way I can get a green card?  
Lulu: Are you still on about that?  
Rikku: I've tried getting a job, I've tried lying, what else is there left?  
Lulu: Well, you could try marrying a yevonite.  
Rikku: Yeah, what a good idea! Wakka....  
Wakka: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ::Runs off screaming::  
Rikku: Hmph! Tidus, will you marry me?  
Tidus: ......  
Yuna: Erm, I think he's unconscious.  
Kimahri: Kimahri like bagels.  
All: ............  
::After a minute of silence::  
Auron: Ow...my head ::Sits up:: Erm, where am I?  
All: ::glare at him::  
Auron: What? ::Sees empty sake bottle:: Oh, right.  
Rikku: Auron, will you marry me?  
Auron: I may have a hangover, but I'm not THAT suicidal.  
Rikku: PLEEEEAAAASSSE?  
Auron: NO! Go away!  
Rikku: I'll annoy you until you say yes!  
Auron: I am cool and collected, nothing you can do will phase me!  
Rikku: Oh yeah? How about if I follow you around all day singing the entire Moulin Rouge soundtrack?  
Auron: No! You- you wouldn't!  
Rikku: ::Singing:: The hills are alive...  
Auron: OWWWWW MY HEAD! STOPPITSTOPPITSTOPPIT!  
::Rikku carries on singing the Moulin Rouge soundtrack whilst Auron hits her over the head repeatedly with his sword::  
Rikku: A kiss on the hand –OW!- is quite continental- OW!- but-  
Tidus: ::wakes up:: Wheeeeee birdies ::falls unconscious again::  
Yuna: This isn't going too well, is it, Kimahri?  
Kimahri: Kimahri like marmite on bagels.  
  
::Three hours later::  
  
Rikku: ::Looking exhausted and with a sore throat:: Come... what ... ::wheeze:: ...may....  
Auron: Shut...up....shut...up ::Half lifts his sword to hit her but gives in after a minute of struggling::  
Rikku: Just to love.....::gasp:: and be loved....::cough::...in...return...  
Auron: OH THANK YEVON FOR THAT! SHE'S FINISHED! AND I'M ALIVE! I WIN! BWAHAHAHAHAHA-  
Rikku: Oh wait, I forgot something! I missed out 'Like A Virgin'! ::Draws breath to sing::  
Auron: NOOOOOOOO YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!  
Rikku: Do you give in?  
Auron: YES! OKAY!  
Rikku: WOOHOO! I get my green card!  
Auron: What? Green card? I hope you know I'm not a yevonite.  
Rikku: WHHHHHAAAAAAAAT?!? You let me sing the ENTIRE Moulin Rouge soundtrack, for NOTHING!?!  
Auron: WHAT DO YOU MEAN LET YOU?!? Getting hit on the head 89 times with a sword shuts all normal people up! ::Goes off in search of more sake::  
Lulu: AURON! LEAVE THAT SAKE ALONE!! ::runs after him::  
Yuna: Rikku, just give in! Be an Al Bhed!  
Rikku: But- but Wakka will carry on being mean to me!  
Rin: Hello my ladies, can I interest you in some weapons or items?  
Rikku: No, but will you marry me?  
Rin: Welcome to O'aka- what?  
Rikku: You will! Great! Yuna, get a priest!  
::Yuna runs off and comes back dragging Auron after her and trying to stuff a priest's hat on his head::  
Auron: I want saaaaaaaake!  
Yuna: I want Wakka. We don't always get what we want. ::notices she's getting funny looks:: Oops, did I say that out loud?  
::Shoves the hat on Auron's head.::  
Auron: I can't see!  
Yuna: Shut up and marry them!  
Auron: ::stumbles around for a while until he falls over the alter that Yuna got from somewhere::  
Auron: Ow. Do you, Rikku take whatsisface to be your lawful wedded wife? I mean, dog. I mean- I want saaaaaaake!  
Yuna: Get on with it! ::hits him on the head with her staff::  
Auron: And do you, whoever you are, take Rikku to be your lawful wedded fiend?  
::Gets hit by a grenade::  
Auron: Wheeeeee pancakes ::passes out::  
All: O.o  
Yuna: Yeah yeah you guys are married.  
Rikku: Eeeeee I'm so happy!  
Rin: Welcome to O'aka's.  
Rikku: Erm, is that ALL you can say?  
Rin: Welcome to-  
::Everyone hits him with blunt objects::  
Rin: Owie ::faints::  
Rikku: See you guys ::Drags Rin away::  
Lulu: Erm, I guess she got her green card.  
Wakka: ::points at fish:: MACHINA!  
Auron: Saaaaaaaaake!  
Kimahri: Bagels!  
Yuna: SHUT IT!  
  
  
~Fin  
  
Erm, yes that was stupid. Yes I don't know how to spell Yevon. Is it Yevon or Yeavon? -_-; I also didn't realise I knew the words to the entire Moulin Rouge soundtrack until I wrote this. I live a sad, sad life.  
Never mind. Pls review, even if you hated it. And don't tell me that everyone is OOC because I KNOW! That's why it's a stupid fic! 


End file.
